why does the algorithm think so? a guessing game
weather: ☀️ no complaints
critters: monarchs; mourning cloaks
during COVID, S told me he blocked all instagram ads and sponsored posts on sight. the more he blocked, the weirder the ads became, until he got ads for things like sex toys and mexican dwarf wrestling. "that one almost got me," he said.
my baseline for determining whether the algorithm knows anything at all about me is cat content. if the thing doesn't know i'm a cat person, we're not on speaking terms. i think sometimes we're encouraged to personify the algorithm as a semi-friendly wizard's daemon (or some of us get notions). i have made a game of guessing what the algorithm is "thinking" when it does something weird. i've never gotten ads or content as weird as what S gets from his carpet-bombing campaigns, but some of the daemon's thoughts give me a little pause.
strange algorithm decisions ranked in order from most to least explainable:
ads for turbotax
not so strange--'tis the season. turbotax delenda est.
ads for cleaning products
i hate cleaning, but this one might just be about being in my thirties. a certain gerard donelan comic may also apply if i think the algorithm is being rude.
harbor freight/tractor supply
the robot wants me to buy tools every day of my life. and at the rate i lose line levels, maybe i should.
travel content and vacation package ads
the machine knows vaguely that i enjoy this stuff, but it also seems to know my clicks almost never lead to a transaction.
i choose to characterize its ongoing push of such content as hope. it waits for me to have mediterranean cruise money, and it hopes.
content about ghost hunting, true crime, and conspiracy theories
i wouldn't say i'm interested in ghosts or crime or conspiracies on their faces, but on a meta level, i absolutely am--i like to think about the meaning-making in which they're all engaged. why do people want to believe in things that scare and disgust them? what are the sociological reasons some ideas stick in the public mind for decades? what is the role of paranoia, or the role of insider feelings? do these things inevitably lead to witch hunts?
certainly the audiences for these things have overlap with gossip, which is what i'm actually interested in. anything about the latest fifteen-minute celebrity or bizarre scandal that requires three explainer videos and one google doc to fully elucidate. but it needs to have a gloss of intellectualism and CuLtUrAl cOmMeNtArY or i feel icky and close the tab. the algorithm must never make me confront my voyeurism, nor my snobbery...never!
personal care gender ping-pong
algorithm has detected a male. beep boop, now serving a silly old spice ad. wait. female. beep boop, now serving a makeup tutorial. wait. a queer? beep boop, now ✨SERVING💅 a makeup tutorial, drag edition, sandwiched between trixie and katya clips. wait. johnny depp dior sauvage ad? wait. glossier ad? wait. low-cost PrEP? ED pills? tampons? wait. algorithm almost has it. please give algorithm a minute.
AI glazing content
the daemon mistakes my play for affection.
alcohol ads, but only en español
despite being in southern california, just about every ad i get is in english. the only spanish-language ads i get are for booze.
the vibe is a little like adults trying to be circumspect around dogs by spelling out W-A-L-K. "watch out," says the machine. "he can't know about cerveza."
homestuck fan videos
me and homestuck fans are gay on the internet. other than this, we seem to live in completely different worlds.
i've played deltarune. those guys play deltarune, right?
british royal family content
is this because i'm american? i'm gonna throw the algorithm into boston harbor.