mild self harm

15 Aug, 2026

weather: 🌤️ cooling down a little
critters: assorted finches nibbling figs

lately i've been trying not to chew the skin off my lips. i also chew the insides of my cheeks, but let's address one thing at a time. i hadn't thought of this as self harm until recently. like, it's not normal for them to look like the fucked up red paint on a no parking curb, no matter how hydrated and exfoliated i am. right? so rather than shelling out for yet another lip treatment i'm 100% certain will not help, i'm trying to be more conscious of what my teeth are doing

i tried a few methods before fully committing to a count of days unchewed. so far i have two effective hacks: gum¹ and glitter lip gloss. the gum is self-explanatory but the glitter lip gloss is important--it makes me hesitate before nibbling. turns out even my subconscious doesn't want to eat glitter

i think a lot about the time when S and me were young (me 18, him 20) and i told him that one thing was self harm. he said he'd never thought about it that way and from then on he never did it. his rule about not doing self harm overrode the compulsion

when i was a kid, i pulled out my hair--eyelashes and eyebrows included. not sure why. compulsion, like S's? i don't anymore, but sometimes i really want to pull an eyelash, so i can make a wish with it